vengerturtle:

i just laughed for like 10 minutes

pruderanch:

200% sure that all of my friend have secret meetings where they just talk about how annoying I am

(Source: religiousmom, via loggerstrong-deactivated2014040)

600,548 notes

ex0skeletal:

Fun shark attack facts:

  • In 1996, toilets injured 43,000 Americans a year. Sharks injured 13.
  • In 1996, 2,600 Americans were injured by room fresheners. Sharks injured 13.
  • In 1996, buckets and pails injured almost 11,000 Americans. Sharks injured 13.
  • For every human killed by a shark, humans kill approximately two million sharks.

Conclusions:

  1. Humans are assholes.
  2. Sharks are not assholes.
  3. Apparently everyone in 1996 lived in a real-life infomercial.

(via dutchster)

59,776 notes
Negotiation
  • "I *really* like everything you're doing and I don't actually want you to *stop*, but, I'm sorry, I can't have sex to New Kids On The Block. Can we please change the music?"
  • "Aw, man, you're dissing my playlist!"
  • "Hey, hard limit, yo!"
5 notes
kateoplis:

Women are demanding foot surgery so they can wear designer shoes in comfort 
“On the surface, it looked shallow. But I came to see she needs these shoes to project confidence, they are part of her outside skin.”
Dr. Sadrieh has coined the operation the ‘Cinderella’ procedure.
"He also has coined the Perfect 10! (aesthetic toe-shortening — once administered, he said, to a 17-year-old fashion model, so she could wear the shoes her career demanded); Model T (toe-lengthening); and Foot Tuck, a fat-pad augmentation that he said helps with high heels."
Dr. Neal Blitz… calls this body part ‘the final frontier’ for those who have had work done on their faces. ‘My practice has exploded because of Manolo Blahnik, Christian Louboutin and Nicholas Kirkwood.’”
"Dr. Oliver Zong, founder of NYC Footcare and self-proclaimed ‘originator of the foot face-lift and toe tuck,’ routinely corrects such conditions as High Heel Foot (a term he coined to describe a deformed foot that’s conformed to the shape of a stiletto), and Hitchhiker’s Toe, (an abnormally large big toe that sticks out like the thumb of a hitchhiker). He recently introduced the phrase ‘Toebesity,’ which he plans to describe on his site, where flashing text promises: ‘Designer feet for designer shoes.’”